Zim's New Slave
by Apatha2
Summary: An Irkan accidentally lands on Earth, and Zim thinks it was sent by the Tallest. Slight parady. My first fanfic. (Many people say it's pretty good for a first fanfic) [COMPLETED]
1. What Is Earth?

A/N: Hi! This is my first fanfic, and I'm just trying it out, so this shouldn't be that great. If you are a kind bnefactor, then you will probably want to read this and give me helpful tips. If you're reading this so you can flame me, please leave. Flames won't help me at all.  
  
Disclaimer: I definetly don't own Invader Zim, but I do own a copy of the DVD! The almighty Jhonen Vasquez is the powerful creater of this masterful show, as well as JtHM, I Feel Sick, and Squee. May we all buy his books.  
  
ON THE MASSIVE, TWO MONTHS AFTER THE GREAT ASSIGNING  
  
The Tallest were lounging and eating snacks in the control room (go figure).  
  
"It was really smart of you to send Zim on a fake mission," Purple told Red, while he chewed on a doughnut. Red, seeing as he already had a lack of lines on the actual show, simply nodded.  
  
But we don't care about them. The Tallest aren't even too important to this fic yet. On with the REAL story.  
  
MEANWHILE, DEEP WITHIN THE BOWELS OF THE MASSIVE  
  
An Irkan worker (you know, the one's with the collars?) was checking the safety systems. "Hmmm...everything seems to be fully functional," she mused as her dull blue eyes scanned over the escape pods.  
  
_Better check inside_, she thought, _just to be safe_. The small alien climbed into the closest pod and tested the steering. "Uh, oh," she sighed, "the steering is defective."  
  
She noted on her Irkan clipboard to fix this pod's steering. As she turned to leave, her tiny gloved hand fell atop the "launch" button, and the pod's door clasped shut. A computer's voice announced, "Launch command initiated."  
  
Her eyes grew wide. "Oh, crap," she whimpered.  
  
SEVEN MONTHS LATER  
  
(A/N: The Massive isn't at Conventia anymore, so I'm assuming that it's farther away, making the trip to Earth at least one month longer.)  
  
An Irkan escape pod fired past a red planet as the concealed alien screamed. She curled up into a ball and cried. She had been living in terror for the past 7 months, and now she could see that her defective, unsteerable craft was headed directly towards a small blue and green planet.  
  
"Damn! I'm going to die," sighed the exasperated worker, thoroughly annoyed.  
  
ON A STINKY PLANET CALLED "EARTH" (EARTH IS STINKY):  
  
Deep beneath a scary, bright green house, Invader Zim conducted his latest experiment. He was testing how much weight a clam could hold. Surprisingly, it was very little.  
  
His clam-concentration was broken by a desperate-sounding computer voice which informed him, "a Irkan spaceship has landed nearby!"  
  
Startled, Zim dropped his hacksaw (A/N: I don't know why he has one just ignore it) and donned his ingenious disguise.  
  
_A spaceship? Is this yet another crazy fan character?_, Zim thought. Little did he know, it was.  
  
(What you're thinking right now: What?! A fan character?! most likely a Mary Sue. I'm going to click the "back" button.  
  
A/N: WAIT! I swear she isn't a Mary Sue! I would never do that! Besides, would Zim really fall in love with a lowly Irkan slave? I don't think so.)  
  
Zim attempted to open his door, only to find that when the computer said "nearby," it meant on the doorstep, (convenient, huh?) and when it said, "landed," it meant crashed. Also, GIR had recently put bubble gum and caramel on the hinges of the door. He's crazy like that.  
  
When Zim finally managed to squeeze out the door, he circled the wreck. After he decide this was, in fact, an Irkan escape pod, (oh, wow!) he opened the door.  
  
His disguised eyes expanded in wonder at the sight before him. The small worker was curled up, her eyes tightly closed, and her curved antennae tangled together in an unattractive manner.  
  
Zim looked around to see if the ship was too noticeable. It had left a trail of destruction upon impact with the filthy surface of the Earth, but no one seemed to care. Zim shrugged, but ordered the computer to disguise the pod, just in case.  
  
"GIR!" Zim yelled. GIR jumped out from behind a lawn gnome in duty mode. "Yes, Sir!" he cried. Zim squinted at his annoying robot. "GIR, retrieve the Irkan from this pod and bring her inside. Her pod should revive her shortly.  
  
GIR's eyes went blue, and he dove in. Immediately, GIR rocketed from the ruins and zoomed inside haphazardly. Zim followed.  
  
As he entered, Zim noticed the Irkan's uniform. "A worker!" he exclaimed. "The tallest must have finally decided to send me someone to assist me on my mission. Even though I could easily handle the humans on my own, this worker should help me conquer the Earth FASTER!" Having finished his typical monologue, Zim laughed victoriously! Oh, how he laughed!  
  
The wounded Irkan came to, opening her ugly grayish eyes. "What happened?" she moaned as she untangled her antennae.  
  
"The Tallest have sent you here to assist me on my top secret and very important mission," Zim said proudly, striking an important pose.  
  
"Who are you?" asked the new Irkan, pointing at Zim. He scowled. "Surely you recognize Zim?! I am the most important Invader to Operation Impending Doom 2!"( He sure is egotistical, huh?)  
  
The blue eyed worker squinted at him. The slight concussion had made her forget about the horrors of Zim. "You look SORT OF familiar," she concluded. Zim raised an "eyebrow" and sighed. "What is YOUR name, slave?"  
  
A/N: Hey, guess what? I don't know what I should call the slave thing. Any ideas? Leave them in a comment. I'll choose my favorite and give credit to the author. And, as an added bonus, I will read and review ALL the stories done by the person with the best name idea. Well, at least ONE story. How's that sound? Good. Review, please! 


	2. It's Not Stupid

(A/N: Hey, I'm back! I'll bet you thought I died. Sorry to disappoint you, but I'm still here. I will be poking fun at some bad fanfics that I have read. I won't name any names, and I don't mean to offend anyone. Sorry, just in case I do. Also, the slave could be a male. I just wanted it to be a girl because I'm weird like that. If you would rather have the slave be a boy, just change "she" to "he," "her" to "him," etc.  
  
This chapter is very short. Yea. Writer's block. I'm not too happy with it either. It's crap compared to the first chapter, which was also crap.  
  
Responce to Reviews:  
  
Invader Hera: That was me, and I feel really bad about it. Sorry. Thanks for the name! I think I'll use it!  
  
luver-of-ralts: Thanks! You made me feel all happy!  
  
Disclaimer: Invader Zim STILL belongs to Jhonen Vasquez. And Viacom.  
  
I will use the name Ilgo for the name of the slave thing. Giant Thanks to Invader Hera! Now, on with the fic!)  
  
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The Irken technician blinked. (A/N: I found out that they're called technicians. Yup.) "Ilgo," she said.  
  
Zim stared at her a while longer before becoming teary eyed. "My mother's name was Ilgo," he whispered angstily. Ilgo looked confused. "But you don't have a mother," she said. "You were born from a tube, remember?"  
  
Zim immediately snapped out of his trance. "Oh, yeah." Ilgo stood and began to nervously look around the room. She was taller than Zim by about an inch, so let's say she's about Invader Larb's height. Zim hardly noticed her superior tallness, and began to give her orders.  
  
"I guess it would be good to have an extra person gathering information, so maybe you should go to skool also. You can enter a different grade."  
  
Ilgo paused in front of the spooky green monkey picture. "Shouldn't your SIR unit be gathering information?" As if on cue, GIR bounced into the room on his head and landed next to her. Ilgo watched as the demented robot proceeded to giggle insanely. (how typical) "On second thought, I think it's broken," she mumbled.  
  
"WHAT?!" cried Zim. "GIR consists of Irk's most advanced technology! He was made especially for me." "GIR?" asked Ilgo. "What does the 'G' stand for?" Zim opened his mouth, then closed it and glared at her. "You dare question MY robot slave?" he exclaimed.  
  
"Sorry, Sir," Ilgo apologized. Zim nodded. "Now, about your purpose..." Ilgo thought for a minute, then said, "I could probably pass as an older relative of yours..." she suggested.  
  
Zim considered this before he shook his head. "Nah, I want you to stay here and help GIR guard the base. Also, you can keep an eye on my experiments while I am at skool." Ilgo straightened and saluted him. "Yes, Sir!"  
  
The two Irkens went to Zim's underground labs where Zim gave Ilgo further instructions. They are so long and boring that I won't list them here. (Actually, I'm just too lazy)  
  
THE NEXT DAY:  
  
Zim left Ilgo to continue work, while he endured another day of Dibby accusations at skool. The blue eyed Irken was still confused about why she ended up on this forsaken planet. She didn't even remember being given orders to come here! Ilgo decided to talk to her leaders, the Almighty Tallest, for confirmation.  
  
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(A/N: Wow, that was bad.  
  
Next Time: The Tallest are finally in the fic! Will Dib be in it, too? Review, please!) 


	3. It's Advanced

A/N: Yay! Another chapter! I'll bet your bursting with excitment. (crickets chirp) Well, maybe not.  
  
Resonce to Reveiws:  
  
Invader Hera: You're welcome  
  
Irken Shadow Lurker: Yeah....It could have been a guy, but I dunno. I've just never seen a female technician. Plus, I wanted to have the opportunity to mock some Mary Sue fics. No offence.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Invader Zim, M&Ms, or sticky notes.  
On with the story!  
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ON THE MASSIVE:  
  
"Incoming transmission from Earth," announced a green eyed technician. The Almighty Tallest moaned. "What NOW Zim?" asked an aggravated Red. (Hey! That was alliteration!)  
  
To their surprise, it was not Zim who appeared on the monitor, but a blue-eyed technician. She bowed. "I am sorry to bother you, my Tallest. I wish to ask you a question." Confused, Purple turned and looked at Red, who shrugged. Purple turned back to the screen. "urmm...okaaaay," he said.  
  
"Thank you, " breathed the Irken. She bowed her head once more. "Did you send me here to assist Invader Zim in his mission?"  
  
The Tallest shared another glance before erupting in laughter. "To..heh..help ZIM?!?!" snorted Purple. "Why would we want to HELP Zim?!" Ilgo blinked at her leaders in confusion. "Why not?" she asked innocently.  
  
Red raised an "eyebrow." "Don't you remember what Zim did to the Empire?" Purple nodded. "Yeah, he demolished half of Irk with a robot meant to be used on another planet. We want him dead."  
  
Ilgo's eyes widened in recollection. "_Zim_," she whispered. "But..." Purple continued, "You ARE ugly...so I guess you can stay there." "Right," Red agreed. "Good-bye, now!"  
  
"But-" Ilgo began to protest, but it was too late. The monitor flickered, and went fuzzy.  
  
MEANWHILE, BACK ON THE FARM...I MEAN, BACK ON EARTH:  
  
Ilgo paced back and forth across the transmission room. "How can I get out of here?" She asked herself. The small alien headed for Zim's computer. "Maybe I can find someone to help me on this planet," she murmured. "I'll bet someone here will be willing to help me escape Zim and go back to the Massive." (Obviously, she ignored the comment about her being ugly. Wow, Irken skulls are thick.)  
  
"Hmm..." She mused as her eyes flicked across the screen. "This 'Dib' seems to be very smart. He already knows about Zim, so I won't be blowing his cover. Perfect!  
  
"Computer! Create an appropriate disguise for me," Ilgo ordered. The computer devised a long blue wig and some brown contacts. "Now I just need to get out and find 'Dib' after skool."  
  
AN HOUR OR SO LATER:  
  
Zim arrived at his base in a blind rage. He burst through the door and began his usual after-skool rant. "OOooh...That DIB!! Stupid..rrgh HU-MAN! I WILL destroy that FILTHY worm!"  
  
Ilgo exited the labs, just in time to see Zim's rave. After a few more minutes of "Horrible Dib," Zim calmed down enough to inquire about the experiments. Ilgo gritted her teeth. "Everything is coming nicely...SIR," she spat. Zim nodded.  
  
Suddenly, Ilgo got an idea. "However, the 'rabbit experiment' could use another squirrel. I can go and get one." As she spoke, Ilgo pulled her wig and contacts from behind her. Zim, who was mumbling about Dib some more, simply waved her off and headed towards the labs.  
  
Ilgo sighed and was about to leave when Zim's voice came from the kitchen, "Take GIR with you. He can help." Ilgo looked at the green doggy who was suddenly standing next to her with its leash. GIR squealed and waved at her. Ilgo moaned, but took GIR's leash anyway and exited the house.  
  
She paused for a minute to take in the outer surroundings. She had never seen the outside Earth. It was horrible. Ilgo was torn between destroying this stinky rock, and leaving the worst Invader ever. Making her decision, Ilgo continued to walk down the street with a dancing GIR beside her. "Dib is only a few streets away. This won't take too long."  
  
--------subliminal message: eat meat--------------  
  
A/N: mmmhmm. Don't have much to say. Nope.  
  
Next Time:Dib's in it! How will he react to this strange alien? Huh? Huh? Review now! 


	4. You Mean, Besides You?

A/N: Behold, the final chapter. Finally, it's done. Yay. I'm REALLLLY not happy with my writing in this chapter. It sounded better in my head, I guess. I hope you don't kill me for the terrible job I did. I'm just glad it's over.  
  
Hmmm...I didn't get too many reviews. Not that many at all.  
  
Disclaimer: Invader Zim is not mine, but I DO own Nonsense Room.  
  
Special thanks to Irken Shadow Lurker for helping me with some of the plot and that INGENIOUS quote for GIR to say.  
  
On with the last chapter  
  
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DIB'S HOUSE:  
  
Gaz was sitting on the couch watching TV. Or maybe she was playing her GameSlave. It doesn't matter. Anyway, the doorbell rang.  
  
Gaz, being distracted by the TV/GameSlave, yelled, "Dib! Get the door!" Dib rolled his eyes but approached the door anyway. He opened it slowly, peering out as the hinges creaked in a creepy way. Then, having finished this dramatic moment, he swung it open in surprise.  
  
"Zim?! What are you doing here?......And WHAT are you wearing?" Dib cried out in shock. "Zim?" questioned the alien. "I'm Ilgo." Dib jumped back, and shouted, "Gaz, there's an alien in the house!"  
  
"You said that already. Geez, get some new material," Gaz said. Dib blinked and turned back to the alien. "What is Zim planning now? Whatever it is, I'm not falling for it." Ilgo shook her head. "I need your help, Dib. I'm not supposed to be here! I need to-"  
  
Dib cut her off. "Yeah, right. This is probably just another one of Zim's stupid plans. Well, I'm not falling for it. You can tell Zim that he'll have to think of something better than THIS to lure me out." Ilgo looked confused. "But....but, you're SUPPOSED to help me. Then we have to fall in love, and-"  
  
Dib glared at her. "Why would I fall in love with a space monster? That's just sick, Glue, or....whatever your name is." To finish his statement, Dib slammed the door. Ilgo sighed and turned to GIR, who was standing next to her. "I guess I'm stuck here, GIR," she sighed. "Yaaayyyy!" squealed GIR.  
  
Ilgo turned to leave, but just as she did, Dib opened the door. She turned around, hopeful. Dib then pegged her with a Membrane themed bowel. It smashed into her head and fell to the ground.  
  
Dib smirked and closed the door. Hurt and hopeless, Ilgo moped her way back to Zim's base. GIR bounced along for most of the trip, then suddenly slowed down, looking thoughtful. Irritated by the annoying robot, Ilgo asked, "What's wrong with you?"  
  
GIR looked at Ilgo with his adorable fake doggy eyes and asked, "If chickens could fly, where would they go?" (that's as about as philosophical as GIR gets) Ilgo blinked.  
  
ZIM'S BASE:  
  
Zim stood in the front with his school boy disguise on. He tapped his foot like an angry father. As Ilgo approached, he stepped forward. "That took WAY longer then it should have," he said with force. It was FORCEFUL! "I looked for your so-called 'rabbit experiment.' There isn't one. If you weren't looking for a squirrel, what WERE you doing?" Ilgo sighed. "It doesn't matter, Sir. Besides, you're acting very OOC right now."  
  
Zim was furious. "Call ME OOC, will you? Well you can just-" Suddenly, a Volkswagen Beetle zoomed in to the cul-de-sac. The Bug paid no attention to the disguised alien, and ran her over. A loud crunch echoed through the houses as alien guts spurted out from the tires and splattered all over the road. It was a nice shade of purple (or whatever Irken blood looks like).  
  
As the car whizzed away, the ever-happy GIR pranced over to Zim and punched him. "Slug bug!" GIR cried. Zim looked at the remains of the technician. "I wish ALL the fan characters would go that way," he mused as he walked back into his base.  
  
----------------------Check Dis Out!---------------------  
  
A/N: I am planning to write a Teen Titans fic next. Have you read the humor in that section? God, it's bad. I want to give them a taste of good ol' IZ comedy. Be sure to check it out. There might be an IZ cameo. Thanks again to Irken Shadow Lurker! 


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